How to Find Out What They Do (Without Even Asking!)
How to Find Out What They Do (Without Even Asking!)
To size each other up, the first question little cats flat-pawedly ask each other is, “And what do you do? Hmm?” Then they crouch there, quivering their whiskers and twitching their noses, with an obvious
“I’m going to pronounce silent judgment on you after you answer” look on their pusses. Big cats never ask outright, “What do you do?” (Oh they find out, all right, in a much more subtle manner.)
By not asking the question, the big boys and big girls come across as more principled, even spiritual. “After all,” their silence says, “a man or woman is far more than his or her job.”
Resisting the tempting question also shows their sensitivity. With so much downsizing, rightsizing, and capsizing of corporations these days, the blunt interrogation evokes uneasiness. The job question is not just unpleasant for those who are “between engagements.”
I have several gainfully employed friends who hate being asked, “And what do you do?” (One of these folks cuts cadavers for autopsies, the other is an IRS collection agent.) Additionally, millions of talented and accomplished women have chosen to devote themselves to motherhood.
When the cruel corporate question is thrust at them, they feel guilty. The rude interrogation belittles their commitment to their families. No matter how the women answer, they fear the asker is only going to hear a humble “I’m just a housewife.”
Big boys and big girls should avoid asking, “What do you do?” for another reason: their abstinence from the question leads listeners to believe that they are in the habit of soaring with a highflying crowd. Recently I attended a posh party on Easy Street.
(I suspect they invited me as their token working-class person.) I noticed no one was asking anyone what they did—because these swells didn’t do anything. Oh, some might have a ticker tape on the bed table of their mansion to track investments.
But they definitely did not work for a living. The final benefit to not asking, “What do you do?” is it throws people off guard. It convinces them you are enjoying their company for who they are, not for any crass networking reason.
Technique:-
What Do You Do—NOT!
A sure sign you’re a Somebody is the conspicuous absence of the question, “What do you do?” (You determine this, of course, but not with those four dirty words that label you as either a ruthless networker, a social climber, a gold-digging husband or wife hunter, or someone who’s never strolled along Easy Street.)
The Right Way to Find Out The Right Way to Find Out
So how do you find out what someone does for a living? (I thought you’d never ask.) You simply practice the following eight words. All together now: “How . . . do . . . you . . . spend . . . most . . . of . . . your . . . time?”
“How do you spend most of your time?” is the gracious way to let a cadaver cutter, a tax collector, or a capsized employee off the hook. It’s the way to reinforce an accomplished mother’s choice.
It’s the way to assure a spiritual soul you see his or her inner beauty. It’s a way to suggest to a swell that you reside on Easy Street, too.
Now, suppose you’ve just made the acquaintance of someone who does like to talk about his or her work? Asking, “How do you spend most of your time?” also opens the door for workaholics to spout off, “Oh golly,” they mock moan, “I just spend all my time working.”
That, of course, is your invitation to grill them for details. (Then they’ll talk your ear off.) Yet the new wording of your question gives those who are somewhere between “at leisure” and “work addicted” the choice of telling you about their job or not.
Finally, asking “How do you spend most of your time?” instead of “And what do you do?” gives you your big cat stripes right off.
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